like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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