K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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