He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
