I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
