hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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