I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
