HIV tests are more positive than that guy
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
