waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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