I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
