What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
