I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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