Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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