she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
