Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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