Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
