Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
