Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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