9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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