Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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