I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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