How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
