Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
