Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
