Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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