I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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