I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
