wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
