but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
