I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
NoShamevember. You game?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We are all done wearing pants today
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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