We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
