dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
