someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
