I look better un-naked...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
