we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
