New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
