i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I FOUND THE LEGS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
