If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
