just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
