So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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