bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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