can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
