My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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