YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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