just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
