college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
