I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
