plz talk dirty to me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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