My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
