I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
