She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
