We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
