We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
