Dual....:-)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
