he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
