3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I love you.
Bad choice
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