I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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