Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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