I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
