I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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