Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
