eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
