I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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