I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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