why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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